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“Is that the same as ‘getting a lot’?”

// August 24th, 2010 // No Comments » // Humor, Scifi, Television

Apparently some folks made a video summarizing True Blood, called “True Blood in 60 seconds”.  Bizarrely, the video seems to actually run almost 2 minutes.  Seems like calling it “True in 2″ would have been a little catchier.  Anyway, it’s pretty funny and voices my thoughts on the show precisely.  Which is to say:

1) The vampires as allegory for homosexuals concept is so ham-fisted I’m not sure what the point is.  I think it kind of makes gay people look like assholes.

and 2) True Blood is a show for people too chicken shit to admit they want to watch movies where people fuck.

I’ve tried watching episodes of the show, including the first four (which were curiously major cock teases).  I don’t care what anyone says, that show is pure shit.  And this is from someone who’s seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek and at least 12 episodes of The Gilmore Girls.

The last episode I saw featured the main guy on the show, Bill, raping/ pleasing a female vampire.  And by raping/ pleasing, I mean twisting her head completely around so that he’s getting her missionary while her head is looking back at the camera screaming “FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME”.  And to make matters worse, we didn’t even get to see her tits.

I don’t know what kinda sick fuck came up with that, but if ever there was a Charles Manson motherfucker who needed Jesus, it’s him.

Oh and then there’s this.

Blood in the pink, one in the stink?

Look… I’m far from what anyone would call a “prude”.  There’s a good chance I’d be willing to switch places with one of these guys if that’s how Sookie likes to get down.  But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be walking around Barnes and Noble with my nephew where this shit is is casually displayed next to Better Homes and Gardens, then spend the ride home trying to explain away “double penetration” to a 9 year old.  Because I don’t think he’s gonna buy “they’re just playing Twister with ketchup”.

True Blood sucks ass. And judging by the cover, it sucks a lot of dick too.

*video courtesy of Mashable

***if you’re wondering, the title is from an old Newsradio line.  John Ritter is explaining that he suffers from nymphomania/ sexual addiction.  Dave Foley responds: “Sir I’m from Wisconsin. Is that the same as “gettin’ a lot?”

The LOST Epilogue is Bullshit

// August 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Nerdgasm, Review, Rumor, Scifi, Television

So at some point the 12 minute epilogue to LOST (the one that producers Cuse and Lindelof implied would finally give some fucking answers) was leaked online.  It was quickly taken down in most places bc they want you to buy the DVD sets in order to watch it.

I managed to watch it here.  Go watch it now because it will be taken down, probably soon.  I’m not embedding it here, bc I don’t want the hassle.

Honestly, the whole thing was another major dick move by the LOST crew.  Of the 12 minutes they give you, 6 of them were another Dharma Initiative film which explained where the Polar Bears come from.  I think we can all agree, of the dangling plot threads left, the polar bear mystery was one of the least necessary for them to answer.  The last 3 minutes of it are by far the most interesting, and all they really do it tease you with good shit then tell you to kiss their ass, bc you’ll never see it.

Fuck the DVD set.   They should have just let the show end with the finale rather than be assholes about it.

(PS if its taken down by the time you read this, the only good part of the video should be up on Topless Robot.)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: A-Team Edition

// June 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Movies, Nerdgasm, Review, Television, commentary

I'm pretty sure this film was Plan B.

Of the three beloved television properties of my youth, A-Team is the last to be adapted into a live action film.  But unlike Transformers and Dukes of Hazard,  A-Team is the first one that doesn’t manage to disappoint on most levels.

It doesn’t disappoint, but neither does it impress.  A-Team is a movie that strives for greatness in annals of summer blockbuster history, but instead shrugs and settles for an appreciative “not bad”.   This is clearly yet another movie that  needed more time to… ahem… mature.   The sadness of it all is that with maybe two more drafts and a stronger director it might have been every bit the firecracker I could have hoped.

The Good.

As a fan of J.J. Abrams’ Alias, it’s a pleasure to see Bradley Cooper’s star on the rise, from the frat-boy jerk in Wedding Crashers to the frat-boy jerk in The Hangover.    Here he shines as the new face of Templeton “Faceman” Peck.   Cooper is by far the standout in the film, taking t0 his character in unexpected ways.  In the original series, Peck was literally the face of the group, conducting business and cons.  His manner was always reserved and upper crust.   Cooper however brings a brashness and wild charm to Peck that just manages to work even if it shouldn’t.

The other bright spot is B.A. Baracus.  To be fair, I may be biased.  Quentin “Rampage” Jackson is one of my favorite UFC fighters and one of the celebrities I most want to get a beer with… and I hate beer.  Even so, I can’t imagine anyone replacing 80′s icon Mr. T the way Rampage has.   While he won’t go down as the world’s greatest actor, Rampage brings a lot of heart to the role, not to mention the weight of being a legitimate bad ass.  The homage to Mr. T is thankfully subtle, foregoing the gold chains and taking the trademark Mohawk down a few notches.

Perhaps the most welcome surprise is the inclusion of the A-Team’s “MacGuyver-esque” ingenuity.  (Yes, I just used one 80′s reference to describe another.  Sue me.)   As a primetime show in the 80′s, the original A-Team wasn’t allowed to have people shot and killed on screen hard to imagine, isn’t it?).   As such the writers and producers had to have the team find ways to subdue each episode’s villains without resorting to guns.  They usually did this by building traps or even home-made battering rams out of whatever they found lying around.   The first half of the film prominently displays this low-bloodshed/ highbrow form of warfare (although they do use guns in the movie)., though it’s absent throughout the majority of the second half.

The action scenes are intense and bombastic; exactly what you’d expect from a mid-summer blockbuster and what you need from an A-Team film.  Plus– Jessica Biel with guns.

The Bad.

Liam Neeson is no George Peppard.  But then, an honest critic must look inside and come to the conclusion that no one is mother f***ing Hannibal Smith except for the deceased Peppard.  While Neeson is amiable here, he isn’t really much more than a contemporary, midichlorian-less Qui Gon Jin.  He’s acceptable, but awkward.  Perhaps the worst moment in the film comes at the end of the first act when Neeson utters Hannibal’s trademark catchphrase: “I love it when a plan comes together!”  His delivery was so shoddy and awkward that it literally takes you out of the film.  More damning is the fact that later another character says the line and it not only works, but actually excites you.  Bad Qui Gon.  Bad.

Rounding out the cast is… whoever the hell they got to play Howling Mad Murdock.   The original character, played by Dwight Schultz, was played less as crazy (despite his reputation) and more as an eccentric, but oddly lovable.  In modern terms he was the Cosmo Cramer of his day.  The new Murdock, while not terrible, is both ridiculous and off-putting.   He has his moments of decency, but for the most part it felt like the actor was doing a bad imitation of what he thinks Murdock should be like, rather than just playing the role.  I could honestly say I wouldn’t be upset if they replaced him should they make a sequel. But he wasn’t entirely horrible either, so I won’t bitch if they do bring him back… much.

I mentioned the action earlier, which is the biggest draw for a film like this.  Unfortunately not all the action works as intended.  It seems like there’s a trend going on in new films, where directors are constantly trying to one-up each other to create bigger and more astounding stunts.  There are several action sequences here that manage to be entertaining despite the fact that they make no sense.  The heavily advertised tank scene in particular is almost painfully hard to swallow.  The stunt defies so many laws of physics that the average 3rd grade child would have questions about how that could work.   There are also 2 sequences where a helicopter flies upside down.  No, really.   It’s perhaps a minor complaint, but it’s a persistent one throughout the movie.

There’s a rather bizarre subplot where B.A. Baracus decides he’s a semi-pacifist.  B.A.   The dude who beats people to death with his bare hands while screaming “FOOL!”  I’m all for people studying the teachings of Ghandi, but I can’t imagine what kind of moron thought the A-Team was the place to have this discussion.  Weird.

The film’s opening is probably it’s biggest hindrance.  The sequence not only introduces you to the characters, but in fact  introduces them to each other.  The entire thing should have been cut.  It was not only sloppily written, but completely implausible.   I understand the need to show the team together in action before getting to the main plot, but this wasn’t the way to do it.  I would have been happier with a scene where they’re doing their laundry.  A re-write on this one sequence would have gone a long way towards fixing the movie.

The Ugly.

An A-Team adaptation was never going to be high art.  It’s the story about 4 cool, tough soldiers fighting the bad guys when no one else know how.

The thing that Hollywood almost never seems to get when it comes to adapting a beloved property is that you don’t need to do a shot for shot remake.  You just have to get the characters right.   This is why Batman Begins is a success, while Dukes of Hazard made me want to go on a shooting spree.

If nothing else, A-Team got the characters (well… except Murdock…).  And they blew things up.  And again, Jessica Biel with guns. So… yeaaaaahhhh.

Yes, the plot is so paint-by-numbers that I can’t come up with a funny analogy.  And the villains can’t help but be obvious if somewhat compelling.   But when I walked out of that theater, was I whistling that familiar old theme song?

You bet your ass!

LOST: Why The End was both awesome and complete bullshit

// May 24th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Nerdgasm, Review, Scifi, Television, commentary

There is nothing I can say that's funnier than the look on Charlie's face.

The End has come and gone.

Even if you weren’t a fan, it’s hard to deny that one of the most significant shows on television just passed.   The nerdiest show around has left an indelible impression on thousands of people across the world, leaving in its wake a challenge to other shows that will likely be unmet for a long, long time.

Okay so poetic ramblings dispensed, its clear I liked LOST.  So what’s up with the article title? Why did I call The End complete bullshit?

Well, because quite frankly though I consider LOST’s finale to be one of the best series closers I’ve ever seen, it was essentially 2.5 hours of sleight of hand.   The writers and producers of LOST spent so much time thrilling you and warming your heart, that you may have failed to notice they didn’t actually answer many questions, and the main one they did answer makes absolutely no sense.  For a show that’s main appeal is it’s mysteries and mythology, that’s either a really funny joke or incredibly fucked up. Sure, you were never going to get all the answers in a cohesive story (the reasoning of the numbers for instance), but I actually thought they would answer a few.

In truth, the finale actually posed more questions for me.  And that I think is very appropriate. Bravo you sadistic bastards.

Chief among the questions that needed to be answered is this: what is the island? Now, I know the first reaction many will have is that they already answered that in the Richard episode.   No they didn’t.  Jacob said the Island was the cork of evil.  If you actually think that constitutes and answer, you need your fucking head examined.   During the writers strike a couple of years ago,  a LOST writer held up a sign that said something to the effect of {I know what the Island is, do you?}, indicating that if the strike didn’t end well, fans might never have known the answer.  Imagine if LOST had ended then and there.  Now imagine you find yourself in a room with Carlton Cuse, and you ask him “what was the Island??”   He responds  ”it was a cork.”   Now imagine yourself standing over him after you just kicked him in the nuts.

The function of the Island may be to cork evil, but that doesn’t tell you what it is exactly.  Throughout the show, there has been a significant amount of evidence that the Island was reasonably sentient.  That’s not to say it was intelligent specifically, but if The Island wanted the Oceanic 6 to return,  then clearly there’s something going on there.

My final thought was that perhaps the Island was the Garden of Eden.  This seemed to fit somewhat with the mentions of Adam and Eve.   I have no idea if I was right.   I do reject the idea that the Island was Purgatory, despite the fact that it held so many ghosts.  I think the ghosts were there because the Island still needed them.  More on that later.

What the hell was the smoke monster? Again, we got a partial answer here. We know that the smoke monster was released when Jacob threw his brother down into the Goonies cave at the heart of the Island.   Subsequently the Smoke Monster took the form of Jacob’s Brother and occasionally other dead people until getting trapped in Locke’s form (or so it was implied; that might not be the case).  But what was it?  After the Jacob/ MIB episode, I came to believe that the Smoke Monster was Lucifer/ Satan.  It occurred to me that the “evil spirits” that possessed Claire and Sayid may have been other demons from hell.  If that was the case, then DeathLocke/ MIB/ Smokey was trying to get them all killed so more spirits could possess their bodies.  …nope.

Where did all the wine go? Okay yes, that is kind of a joke, but there are serious questions behind it.   What is with all the drinking? Jacob, Richard, Jack and Hurley were all given superpowers by drinking.  The first two got it through drinking wine (which I assume is a reference to the Blood of Christ) and the last two were forced to drink nasty, dirty water.   Which leads me to a better question.  Drinking the wine gave Jacob and Richard their abilities.  But drinking the water didn’t seem to do anything but make Jack stop being such a mopey tool.  Did Jacob give Jack a placebo? I thought maybe Jacob had turned the water into wine, but Hurley clearly drank brown water.  We don’t know what happened to Hurley, so theoretically he could have lived for hundreds of years.   I have my doubts though.

What was up with the Goonies cave? When Jacob thew his brother down the cave at the Heart of the Island, the mere presence of his body released the Smoke Monster.  And yet both Desmond and Jack (not to mention 3 other people standing in the mouth) actually walk up to a literal cork and play with it. Mmm-hmm.  So Desmond takes the stopper out of the magic bathtub and Unicron screams and the Island starts to fall apart.   And then Jack just puts it back in and the bath tub fills up again.   That’s it?  Nothing was released from Hell?  Really?

What happened to Desmond? Widmore asked Desmond to do a job.  The implication was that Desmond was flashing sideways to get the LOST crew together to go to the sideways Island.  But that was a red herring.  The flash sideways world actually was Purgatory.  There would be no reason for Jacob to have Widmore send Desmond to  Purgatory. It doesn’t really seem like Jacob would even know about the sideways universe. So what happened to Desmond when the energy zapped him, and for that matter what the hell changed his mind?

And maybe the most important question.  Did Desmond ever get to see Penny and his son again? At last count, Desmond was stuck on the island with Hurley and Ben.  The plane had taken off.   Since you’re not supposed to be able to find the Island, this poses a problem for our favorite lovesick Scotsman.

Also did Hurley ever get laid?   Everyone loves Hugo.  We know this.  But it seems as though Hurley never managed to get any lovin’.  In theory Hurley could have been stuck on that Island for hundreds of years until his successor came along.  Meanwhile Libby died at the end of the second season without them ever getting together.  Joking aside, no one deserved to be loved more than Hurley, yet it seems like his was the cruelest fate.   Yeah, he eventually died and saw Libby again, but still… hundreds of years alone.

All of these were good questions that I sort of thought would be answered.  My mistake.  Granted, we did get an answer to what the Flash Sideways was.  Purgatory. Or sort of purgatory.  Technically it was a sort of Elysian Fields reference, a place the LOSTies created to find each other again, wherein they did not remember their past lives.

It’s an answer I’m happy with, but I can’t help but feel like this was the LOST writers laughing at us.   All the signs were there that this was an alternate universe.   The image of the Island underwater.  Jack’s imaginary son.  Both Sun and Claire still pregnant.   There was no real reason for these elements  (particularly the Island shot, which was unseen by anyone but the audience) except to screw with us.  I think my biggest question spinning out of the sideways Universe is about the exodus.  Why were some characters left out when they left?  Based on Desmond’s promise to Eloise, Faraday and Charlotte were left in the Purgatory universe.  And even after that very sincere apology and seeming redemption for Ben Linus, he wasn’t allowed to move on.  So why were character like Juliet and Libby allowed in?  And unless I just didn’t notice, neither Walt nor Michael were there.  Was it random?  This is probably the only question that will bother me in the long run.

Pushing aside unanswered questions, I loved the finale.  These are some of my favorite moments.

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray do some... uhh... stretches.

• Sun and Jin seeing Ji Yeon. (sort of)
• Happy Hurley talking to Boone while Shannon and Sayid make out on a dirty street outside a bar.
• Claire holding hands with Charlie.
• Juliet and Sawyer(one of my 3 favorite couples)  reuniting.
• The final scene between Linus and Locke. (This may be my actual #1 moment.)
• Jack going all Leonidas on DeathLocke.

As you can see, almost all of my favorite parts were in the sideways universe.  Call me a sap, but I love happy endings.

And that may be the biggest surprise for me.  I was quite certain that the finale would end tragically, with almost everyone but Hurley dead. And yes, technically that is how it ended, but it was hardly tragic.   I think there will be a lot of people pissed off by the ending,  and I’ve even suggested that the whole thing was the writers laughing at us.  But I’m happy with it.  It’s rare that a show gives the audience satisfying character resolutions.  Almost every couple in LOST met some tragic end, either together (Sun and Jin) or apart (Kate/ Jack, Charlie/ Claire, Hugo/ Libby, Sawyer/ Juliet and presumably Desmond/ Penny, among others).  Yet in The End they all get to be together again.

In the end (pardon the pun), LOST wasn’t about the Island or the mysteries.  It was about the people whose lives were affected by it.  What’s amazing about LOST is that each of the main character and even some of the secondary characters would merit their own show, yet they manage to pull all these disparate stories together so well and give them complete plot resolutions.

Some people are saying its the best series finale ever.  I won’t go anywhere near that far.  One of the best? Certainly.  But I think the finale proved that they were making it up as they went along (at least until the last two season maybe) and that put a damper on the non- sideways scenes.  But still; great show, fantastic ending.

I hope the BSG’s writing staff was paying attention last night.  THAT’S HOW YOU DO THAT.

Your –weekly?— nerdgasm

// April 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Humor, Nerdgasm, Scifi, Television

why aren't I watching Mad Men right now??

Esquire Magazine posted some pics and a recent interview with Christina Hendricks, better known as Joan Holloway of Mad Men.  Of course geeks will always remember her as Saffron, the rogue prostitute and thief who “married” Mal Reynolds on Joss Whedon’s Firefly.

Ohhhhh sweetsassymolassey…   I would graphically molest a telephone pole in front of a public school if I could get a week with Christina Hendricks.  She is… and I quote… built like brick shithouse.

oh my god i wish my penis was a watermelon

Thanks to Pop Candy for the link.

Your Not-Even-Close-to-Daily Nerdgasm

// April 13th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Humor, Nerdgasm, Scifi, Television

I’ve never been exposed much to Doctor Who.  As a kid I thought it was some off shoot/ rip off of Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or something.  A couple of years ago I got into Torchwood, but I still missed out on the main show.  I was kinda digging the David Tennant one off specials that were airing on BBCAmerica for the last year.   Now I’m still not that big a fan of the Doctor, but… I am very much on board… because… well…

rug... curtains... match... flame... red.... agrhjlkjlj.kjkljlknm.,.....

Amy Pond.  Or more accurately Karen Gillan who plays Amy Pond, the Doctor’s new companion.  I may not freak out over the last remaining Time Lord but hot damn I can get behind a smokin’ red head.

Oh Amy… Amy Pond…  You have no idea how much bad erotic fan fic I’m going to write about you over the coming year.   Not to mention dirty haiku’s.

Seriously people, if Karen had been on board with David Tennant this show would be the President of the United States right now.

oh lord, PLEASE have handcuffs on you!

Not a chance, Matt Smith. Don't even think it.

My only real complaint is that she’s paired with Matt Smith.  He may make a fine Doctor, but for crepes sakes– he looks like someone slapped a bow tie on Gollum.  Look at him!  There is dude who wants his precious.

Fat Hobbit helps The Master.

Awwww YEAH!!!!

// April 6th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Movies, Nerdgasm, Television

This is hardly news to most people and it’s not remotely comics or scifi related; but screw it- this is my site.

There are three television series which sort of defined awesome from my childhood.  We’ve seen the results when Hollywood got hold of the first two.  Tranformers– Monty is going to lose his mind when he reads this— Tranformers 1 and even 2 weren’t nearly the horrifying experiences people described.  Both were fun, worthless movies.  -They just weren’t Tranformers movies.    Dukes of Hazzard was bullshit.  They took a movie literally about Good ol Boys, beautiful women, moonshine and a fast car  — all the things that make the South great— and turned it into — I don’t even know what that was!  Who’s idea was it to give those morons in the Broken Lizard comedy troupe (Super Troopers) a movie about the South? MOst of the movie wasn’t even IN gorram Hazzard County!!!   Fuck you Hollywood!  I will never forgive you for that shit!!

…

…..

*deep breaths*

For the first time, one of my childhood loves stands a chance of being turned into a great film!

DUH DUH DUHHHH/ DUNT DUNH DUHHH

HELLZ YEAH— A-TEAM MOVIE!!!!

You’ve probably already seen this since it’s been out a week now, but I felt like posting it anyway.

I feel like there’s a lot to be excited about here.

First and foremost is B. A. Baracus.   Honestly, if you had asked me to cast the guy who could replace Mr T, I dunno what the hell I would have come up with.  When I think of large, angry black guys who could tear my testicles out through my nose, it pretty much ends up with Ving Rhames and Michael Clarke Duncan.   But as a UFC fan and a dude who LOVED the Forrest/ Rampage season of Ultimate Fighter— I am so psyched about this!!! Quentin “Rampage” Jackson isn’t just a big, bad ass fighter.  He’s funny as hell and seems to be a really nice guy.   I don’t think he’ll be much of an actor, but I think this is one role that could work for him.  I love that they decided to go more subtle with his version of B.A.   The mohawk is turned down quite a bit and they went without the gold chains.  It shows they’re taking this seriously.  The best part about Rampage is that he can definitely get physical, so there’s a good chance we’ll get a great fight scene out of him.

SECOND-  Bradley Cooper.  I’m a huge Alias fan, so seeing Will get bigger and bigger is pretty awesome.  I’m still a little annoyed he didn’t get the role of Hal Jordan in Green Lantern, but hell– win some/ lose some.   The great thing about Cooper is that the dude can genuinely act.  These days we see a lot of actors who play themselves in everything the do.   Cooper plays a different guy every time. Alias. Wedding Crashers. Hangover. … uhh.  Those other things I’ve seen him in.  And he’s looking like an awesome choice as the new Templeton Peck.

I admit that I’m not so sure about Liam Neeson replacing George Peppard.  I love Neeson, but— come on, it’s HANNIBAL!! And I have no idea who the guy who’s playing Howlin Mad Murdock is.

There’s a lot of comparison’s between this and the Expendables, since they’re pretty similar in concept if not execution.  Throw the crappy looking Losers adaptation and you have a whole set. Expendables looks awesome, but I think I’m going to enjoy A-Team most just for the humor factor.

Every time I see this trailer I get more and more jazzed to see it. There’s not much that could make it better for me unless Jessica Biel takes her top off.

… that’s probably not going to happen, right??

Politics In Comics

// January 17th, 2010 // No Comments » // Comics, Movies, Scifi, Television, short fiction

One of the things I’ve had to learn to accept as a Conservative writer is that I’m pretty much alone.

Not totally mind you.  There are others out there.  We have decoder rings and communicate through smoke signals (it’s the only way to be secure).

But regardless of what medium you operate in- books, movies, stand-up comedy or comic books-  writers tend to be liberal.   In and of itself that isn’t a problem.  It would be ignorant of me to suggest that no one should be allowed to express their beliefs in comics– ignorant, and to be sure, hypocritical. Good writing should affect you deeply and will always make you think, even if you disagree.

So I’m not talking about censorship.  I’m talking about ugliness.

More and more lately, I find myself having to make excuses for writers of whom I am a fan.  No, I won’t name anyone.  I read comments both online and even in comics that basically insult me as a fan and a consumer.   I realize that a majority of the writing community is left-leaning, but why do they assume that their audience is as well?  I won’t throw polls and statistics at you, but the majority of Americans are right leaning on some level (which isn’t to say totally).  But even if we were only 40% of your audience, why would someone want to insult us for a cheap laugh?  It’s the equivalent of going to a Klan rally and telling black jokes.  It may be funny to a few people who think that way, but to the rest of us, it’s just sad.

It’s hard to look at someone you used to admire and think that they have no problem with insulting you just because you disagree with them. When other people do it, I get angry.  But in these situations, well- it just makes me sad.

The Comics community is pretty insular.  These days everything feels like a war.  Like sides are trying to get you to choose between them in a violent, grizzly game of Red Rover, Red Rover.    Do we as fans and writers need to be like that?  Isn’t the industry on unstable ground as it is?

I’m not saying we should hold hands and hug or something.  But maybe we should leave the politics to the news networks.

Just saying.

The Weekend Television Dollhouse/ Chuck

// January 11th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Review, Scifi, Television

Between Friday’s new Dollhouse ep and tonight’s Chuck 2 hour season 3 premiere, this has been a sweet weekend to be a nerd.

First up: Dollhouse 2.11  Getting Closer

Holy shit.  Consider my mind blown.  Several weeks back I made a comment about how Dollhouse was suffering a good death.  Without backing away from what I said in that post, I am going to modify my statement.  Getting cancelled was the best thing to ever happen to this show.

By canceling Dollhouse, the writers were forced to advance their time table. The original show was a discussion on the nature of the soul. It was a slow boiling epic.  But it didn’t need to be. The show doesn’t feel rushed at all.   Dollhouse is a concept that could not be done in movie or a mini-series.  But it shouldn’t be done slowly over five years.

We may be missing a few great plot points, but as unbelievable as these last (especially ep 11) episodes have been, I couldn’t care less.

The plot of Getting Closer revolves around Topher’s attempt to re-create Caroline’s mind inside Echo’s brain.  … or replace Caroline alongside Echo in Caroline’s brain…  or throw another nut in the meatbag… I honestly don’t know at this point.  Anyway, the concern is that Caroline will reassert herself in the brain and erase Echo from existence.  Which would suck.

To perform this feat, Topher needs the help of Bennett Halverson.  So they kidnap her.   The absolute highlight of this ep for me was the goofy flirtfest of nerd-love between Topher and Bennett.  ”I had a crush on you even before I found out you weren’t a dude.”  That’s love Toph.  That’s LOVE.

Not long after, the dollhouse gets shut down and the crew prepares to go on the offensive.  Then they’re attacked.

Oh, and then they reveal the head of Rossum corp.  MIND BLOWN.  MIND FUCKING BLOWN.  Their is a hole in my skull, from which a tiny Joss Whedon stands and laughs at me tauntingly.  I never saw it coming.

I think this episode has confirmed it for me. By the end of this show, Dollhouse will be Joss’ finest work.  Firefly will still be more beloved- definitely for me-  but Dollhouse will be his most thought provoking, nuanced and important show.

Bravo, Whedon and crew.  Bravo.

Okay–

on to the Chuck season 3 premiere!!!!

Tonight’s special two part episode brought the BUY MORE crew back in a big way.

Some fans were a bit worried after the S2 finale that Agent Charles Carmichael would suddenly be a kick butt superspy from now on.  Nope- same old lovable loser.   In fact, Chuck gets fired for being a really crappy spy.

This sends him on a tailspin of depression, headlined by the fact that Sarah has left him.  Both she and Casey have abandoned him and work on their own now, and Chuck is forced to try and prove himself to them and the CIA.  Since it’s Chuck, this doesn’t go so well.

One of the real problems of this show is the constant Sarah/ Chuck relationship mambo (or as I like to call it, chuck-tease).  They’re constantly placed in this fake boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship where the audience emotes with Chuck and then something happens and they don’t get together.  Like love it is wonderfully intense, mesmerizingly beautiful and unbelievably infuriating.  We want to see Chuck get the girl.  We want to see Sarah stop getting in her own way from being happy.

Actually for once, we actually DO get to see Sarah put her heart on the line  — and then Charles Bartowski chucks it up.  NICE.  Chuck is an idiot of immense proportions.  But on the bright side, the Bartowski team is of course reinstated.

Here are some highlights-

• Chuck gets to do a little Luke Skywalker moment with Sarah (sort of) where he ziplines her to safety.
• Guitar Hero Chuck
• Yvonne Strahovski and Mini Anden in their underwear (my chuck was rock hard.)
• three words:  MORGAN. GETS.  LAID.
• “I love you Sarah.”
• “That’s right, PUSSY.” that was AWESOME.
• “And take the two slabs of beef with you.”
• Vinnie Jones appears.
• Morgan’s classic Star Wars bed sheets!  I think I had the same ones!
• Adam Baldwin is actually taller than Vinnie!
• Adam Baldwin + belt fed weapon = fucking awesome

It was a pretty solid ep — or actually two episodes premiering on the same night.  One thing that is pretty upsetting- very little Ellie and Captain Awesome.  Lets hope this isn’t going to be a recurring thing, bc Ellie and Awesome are a huge part of the show’s atmosphere.

As great as it is seeing Chuck’s Intersect 2.0 flashes giving him super powers (and let’s face it, that’s what it is), I was surprised to find that I still prefer the ordinary moments.  (Although that teaser of Chuck decking Bryce was fan-fuck-tastic!)  The 2.0 powers are a cool development, but I’m glad to see they aren’t the new focus of the show.

Overall I think it bodes well for the future of the show.

Now if we can just get Sarah to put out come around.

Bye y’all!

Dollhouse Will ‘Not Fade Away’

// December 20th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Review, Scifi, Television

“Genius” is a word that is thrown around rather casually where Joss Whedon is concerned.   Though it is unknown whether he is comfortable with the title, it isn’t something he’s had to deal with much lately as he’s been bogged down with his current series, Dollhouse.  Despite it’s fans, the new series has been plagued with problems on such a level that the premature demise of Firefly almost seems like a mercy killing.   And despite the best efforts of cast, crew and fans alike, Dollhouse has been cancelled anyway; the drama only a precursor to the inevitable.

Aside from the typical problems that genre shows tend to have with Fox (especially where Joss is concerned), there’s also the fact that Dollhouse isn’t always the great.  The first season was fairly lackluster throughout most of it’s run; a fact exaggerated by the high expectations of it’s audience.  Most of the blame can be laid on the fact that the show didn’t seem to have a hero.  The main character, Echo (Eliza Dushku) held a different personality every episode, making her difficult to empathize with.  The problem was remedied as the seemingly blank slate Echo became self aware, her personality retaining the composite personalities that had been imprinted on her brain despite their having been supposedly erased.

The first season ended on a high note with the un-televised season finale, Epitaph One.  The episode jumped several years into the future where mind imprinting technology has created an apocalyptic society of lawless streets where the poor forage for food and fight for survival while the rich kidnap those beneath them to jump from body to body, making those with access to imprinting technology functionally immortal.   Having revealed the scope of the show’s possibilities, excitement for the second season was as high as the premiere.

Since then, Dollhouse has finally become a strong show.   And half-way through the season, the cancellation notice was handed down.   I’ve had mixed feelings about the show, thinking it inferior in it’s beginnings and then more worthy toward the middle of it’s run.   As I watched Friday’s incredible 2 part episode Stop Loss (part 1) and The Attic (part 2) I’m equally torn.  While the episode was a turning point for the show, signifying the race toward the proverbial finish line; I believe it may be for the best.   The show has never been stronger, and seems to be finding meaning in it’s death.

The truth is that Dollhouse has always been a concept rife with potential, but perhaps it is best to see it finish strong, like an extended mini-series rather than squander that potential in future seasons through fights with network execs and endless compromise.   After all, it wouldn’t be the first great show to be cancelled ahead of its time, but Echo and company are among the few afforded time to tie up their loose ends.  In three weeks Echo’s story will have been told; her race run.

“This is a good death.”

In the last moments of The Attic, Joss provides a glimpse of his endgame, as the conspirators stand revealed.  In that briefest of moments, we are – I believe intentionally- taken back to the final episode of his second series Angel, called Not Fade Away.  In the finale, Angel and what remained of his friends made a decision to destroy the source of great evil on Earth, the law firm Wolfram and Hart.   They new that their actions would end in death, they would ultimately be justified.

In this way, the Dollhouse crew is similar despite being from a very different universe. Whedon has always told stories about great heroes.  From Buffy to Angel to Firefly to Kitty Pryde’s death in Astonishing X-Men, the indelible image of the hero making the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good in burned into the public subconscious.   Though our heart may break, we can’t help but love the idea that there are people willing to go to the brink and beyond to save us.   As Echo, Ballard, Sierra, Victor and the rest prepare to take down Rossum Corporation to prevent an apocalypse, they strive for greatness.  Classic Whedon.

When all is said and done, the show’s short life will not have mattered.  Their memory will not fade away.