When Marvel Comics formed Marvel Entertainment it was a revelation.  It signaled that the company was taking charge of its own destiny in the larger world of on-screen media.   Iron Man proved that a true, honest to God comic book adaptation could be made.  Iron Man is in many ways the prefect comic film, and it’s sequel (due this May) looks to be every bit as good or better.  The road to Marvel’s Avengers film seemed to have clear blue skies.

Then came this announcement.  The LA Times is reporting that Director Joe Johnston is essentially turning the Captain America costume and concept into a joke.

“The costume is a flag, but the way we’re getting around that is we have Steve Rogers forced into the USO circuit. After he’s made into this super-soldier, they decide they can’t send him into combat and risk him getting killed. He’s the only one and they can’t make more. So they say, ‘You’re going to be in this USO show’ and they give him a flag suit. He can’t wait to get out of it.” (Courtesy LA Times)

Okay… two questions.

1. What’s the point of spending a billion dollars to create a super soldier just so you can turn him into a clown?
2. Does Joe Johnston and Co. realize that Cap will eventually be standing next to the Norse God of Thunder and the Incredible Hulk?  Why would that costume be the one American audiences find silly?

I realize this comes dangerously close to talking about politics, and for that I apologize.  But this is something I feel needs to be said.   Hollywood never once questioned putting Spider-man or Batman in their costumes.  For crepes’ sakes do you remember the Batman and Robin costumes that Joel Schumaker approved??? Those costumes were silly.

What’s so crazy about an honorable and patriotic soldier during WW2?   What’s so crazy about an American audience believing a man wrapped in the flag?

This isn’t about the audience.  This is about Hollywood.

From ‘Hanoi Jane‘ on down through the ages to James Cameron, the movie and entertainment industry has had a long standing grudge with traditional American values.  The First Amendment is designed to protect even anti-American sentiment.  It’s fine for film-makers and writers to express that point of view.   But this is Captain America.

Cap is one of the oldest comic creations still in circulation.  He was created specifically to be the symbol of American sentiment during WW2.  Call me crazy, but I think that sentiment still exists in the hearts and minds of the majority of the American people.  Even when people don’t love their government, they can still love their country.

A few years ago, when Hollywood decided that GI Joe would no longer be “The Real American Hero” for their big-screen adaptation (The Rise of Cobra), I made a conscious decision that I would not spend my hard-earned money on it.  That decision was made in part because I am a patriot, but also because it is an affront to the property.  GI Joe was a toy franchise about an American task military force comprised of different people of all ethnicities and backgrounds fighting together to preserve liberty and freedom.  Is there anything you can think of more beautiful than that???

But the movie studios decided that was too American.

Okay. Fine.  I didn’t spend my money on The Rise of Cobra.  Nor did I shell out ten dollars for a glorified cartoon by a director who advocates eco-terrorism and hates America.   James Cameron can make whatever film he wants.  He can come up with film techniques that simulate euphoria in the viewer’s mind.  I won’t pay for it.

And the same goes for Captain America.

Marvel Entertainment.  Do not make this film. Do not desecrate the integrity of the character just because you disagree with it. The story of a man who loved his country so much that he underwent experimentation and made himself a walking target to inspire the people of the world is not an out-dated one.

It’s just an under-written one.

UPDATE:  After reading this article on Bighollywood.com, I realized that I should have finished reading the second half of the LA Times article.

To clarify, eventually Steve Rogers goes AWOL (although I’m not certain how one goes AWOL from the USO Tour, but still…) and comes to realize the importance of the costume.  It’s your classic ‘Hero’s Journey’ scenario. And then he becomes a leader.

So ADMITTING MY MISTAKE, my point still kind of stands.   There’s no need to make these changes in the character and costume.

Steve Rogers was a skinny kid who wasn’t allowed to defend his country because he was too frail.  So he agrees to these experimental procedures that will make him a symbol of the American Spirit.  That’s it.  That’s the story.  So why does he get thrust into the USO where he decides he’s too cool to wear the flag?  Where does that come into the story?

It fundamentally changes the character’s personality and purpose.  Cap wears the bright, gaudy costume in defiance of the Nazis. He’s a walking target, and he’s supposed to be. That’s why he has a big ass shield! And that’s another thing.  If Steve thinks the costume is stupid, how is he going to feel about carrying around a bright red, white and blue shield in public?  And again, he’ll later be standing by Thor and Iron Man, and maybe even Ant Man. Isn’t that goofy?  These movies require you to suspend disbelief.  So why is it more realistic and acceptable to see a man dressed as a giant bat than one dressed as the American flag?

*I wrote this on my old blog last May.  It was pretty entertaining.

For your viewing pleasure, I present the finished script to the new Wolverine film, condensed down to the essentials.

Young James Howlett (that’s Wolvie’s real name in case you don’t remember it from the movie back in 2002) is being nursed by his father.   Random dialogue ensues before James Sr heads downstairs and gets shot by Jimmy’s *gasp* real father.

Young James:  Dad’s dead.  Time for me to look up at the sky and scream.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  Woah.  I have claws and mutant powers even though I was just dying in my bed not ten minutes ago.  I must kill you now, birth father.  Time for me to make my angry killing noise while outstretching my claws.  RAAAAAAaAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR!

Jimmy’s Birth Dad:  This sucks.  I just wanted a hug, motherfucker.  Bad enough your Mom’s a whore.

Jimmy’s Slut Mom:  Great.  Both my meal ticket and my stable boy are dead and my son has killer bone knives sticking out of his hands.

Young Jimmy:   Waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!  Mom’s a slut and I don’t know who my Daddy is and my hands hurt and I think I just started puberty which means in a few years I will be known world round as the hairiest Canadian on Earth!

Victor Creed:  Jimmy!  WASSUP dude!  I’m really your brother.  Thanks for killing Dad.  I’m really angry and psychotic for no good reason, and that was kind of awesome.  I love you, man!

Young Jimmy:  I have a psychotic big brother?  Cool! Let’s go to America and kill shit!

Victor: Right on! We need a montage!

Cue montage of Victor and Jimmy killing a lot of people.  A LOT.   Also, Victor learns that he has the mutant power to jump in bizarrely sexual poses.

While sitting in a prison in Vietnam, William Stryker pays them a visit.

Stryker:  Listen guys, I am by far the best actor here, but even I will not be able to figure out my motivation, so I’m going to need you and a bunch of other guys to kill a lot of people so no one in the audience notices.

Victor:  Will I get to jump all over?

Jimmy:  Will I get to strike roided-out action poses and yell RAWR?

Stryker:  Whatever tickles your fancy.

Victor and Jimmy: FUCK YEAH!

Victor and Jimmy are on an elite special ops team in a helicopter, surrounded by a ninja, a dude who looks like Test from the WWE and a rapper wearing a cowboy hat.

Wade Wilson: Hi folks! I’m comedic actor Ryan Reynolds.  They brought me in to be the comedic sidekick in the film… and also because I fit into Jessica Biel’s outfit from Blade Trinity.  So I’m going to make a few quips, become the only truly entertaining character and then disappear from the rest of the movie.  Got it?

The chopper lands in Africa.  Mutants jump out and kill people.

Random Asian Mutant Assassin:  WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I love the Matrix!   I have no visible mutant powers but I can shoot people in really cool, unnecessarily athletic ways!  WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The team storms a building.  Machine gun toting killers open fire.

Wade:  Time for me to Ninja the bullets with my swords in a way that could not possible work!

Stryker:  Awesome Ninja-ing Wade!   But you’re too funny, so you need to go do Van Wilder 3 or something.

Wade:  Ooh!  I heard the blond chick has implants now!  See ya.

Victor speaks swahli to a bunch of African indigenous people.

Indigenous African:  Ummm… weren’t you mute in the first two X-Men movies?

Victor:  No, that was the other actor. I’m normally in much better movies than this.

Indigenous African:  You sure?

Victor:   BERSERKER RAGE!

Jimmy: Stop!  I was okay with helping you kill the other 5000 people, but its time I develped a conscience and thereby proved that even though we’re brothers I am not an animal like you.

Victor:  You can’t walk away from the team!

Jimmy:  Sure I can. I get a hot girlfriend in the next scene.

Victor:  Dude, we were gonna go to Applebee’s after this! Bros over hos!

As promised, Jimmy gets a hot girlfriend.

Jimmy:  RAAAAAaWWWWRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Kayla:  What is it baby?  Did you have a bad dream?

Jimmy: YES!  I dreamed that all I’ve done in the last couple of years is this and a Baz Luhrman film!  It was horrible!

Kayla:     ….  yeah.  that was… that was just a dream.

Stryker:  Jimmy!  It’s been six years!  Time for some foreshadowing which you’re going to ignore and then will eventually regret it, sending you on a quest which actually is the beginning of the real plot

Kayla: Hi, I’m Jimmy’s hot Native American girlfriend.

Stryker:  But you’re white.  And doens’t your sister have blond hair and blue eyes?

Kayla: well yeah, but I need to tell a made up Native American myth that will lead Jimmy to naming himself Wolverine in my honor.

Stryker:  Ah.  well it doesn’t matter.

Kayla: Time for me to go get killed!

Victor jumps around and kills Kayla.  But not really.  It wouldn’t be suspenseful if her dead body riddled with claw holes wasn’t healable.

Jimmy: Kayla’s dead???  Time to yell No at the sky again.

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

Jimmy finds his killer brother, Victor.  Sadly his, angry RAWR face is no match for Victor’s jumping power.

Victor:  I look better with an Amish man’s beard!!!!!!

Jimmy: RAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!  Outstretched bone claws!

Victor wins.

Jimmy: I’m really angry with you sir.  You should have told me that my brother who I loved was going to kill the woman that I love thereby providing the obvious motivation for this unnecessarily convoluted plot.

Stryker:  Well I still don’t know my own motivation!  So even though you’re my worst enemy and could kill me as you are right now, I am going to make you even MORE dangerous!

Jimmy: Well whats your motivation for that?

Stryker:  I don’t know!

Jimmy:  RAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!!!

Jimmy gets metal claws and is now named Wolverine.  It says so on his underwear.

Stryker: Now that we’ve made him into an unstoppable autonomous killing machine, we should piss him off and then kill a bunch of people who are nice to him.

Wolvie:  I heard that!  Time to start the killing again!   ‘Splode stuff!!!!!!!

Wolvie gets a leather racing jacket and then goes off to find rapper Will.i.am hanging out with a sweaty fat dude in a gym.

Will: Jimmy!

Wolvie: No, they call me Wolverine now.  Well… I would explain, but since you’re set to die soon, it won’t matter.

Will: Hey, you know that big fat guy down there?  That’s our old friend Fred!  Yeah, he’s fat!  But don’t mention that he put on 600 pounds, because he’s in denial about it.

Wolvie:  HEY FAT GUY, LETS HAVE ANOTHER POINTLESS FIGHT SCENE!

Fred:  Sigh. Okay, but if I die, try to remember me as the bad ass mercenary in LOST, okay?

Wolvie:  Only if you conveniently know the location of the next future X-Man who will take me to the last location in the movie.

Fred: Done.

Meanwhile, Stryker gets a visit from another General who wants to shut down this untraceable black ops facility and came alone.

General:  Stryker, I know that your son is an evil mutant.  You should kill me now!

Stryker:  Really???  HEY GUYS!  I FOUND MY MOTIVATION FOR ALL THE STUFF I’VE BEEN DOING!  Yeah! My son is an evil mutant who killed my wife, so I decided to clone another mutant and give him a bunch of different powers which will help him destroy the earth and…  wait… I still don’t get it.

Wolvie:  Yeah, why don’t we just start tossing in a bunch of random comic book characters with non-descript powers that even the fans won’t care about, until we can bring Wade back for the last fight.

Wolverine meets mutants, fights Victor and finds THE ISLAND.

Fred: No, not that ISLAND.  This is a different one, that is far less compelling.

Wolverine meets a killer mutant with no mouth and a messed up face with more plastic surgery than Dick Clark.

Wolvie:  Wade? Is that you?  How do you eat with no mouth?

Wade:   mmmrrrrffffmemkjjkjljlkjljljk!

Wolvie:  Also, how did you manage to get two samurai blades to pop out of your arms like claws?  I  mean, how could you possibly move your arms like that?

Wade:   MMMMMRRRFFFDDDDDDEMEMEMEMEME!!!!

Wolvie:  Oh, right. No mouth.  Well lets fight!

Victor: Can I team up with you in an act that goes against everything else that I’ve done for the past hour?

Wolvie: Sure; whats it going to hurt at this point?

Wade dies. Stuff blows up. More mutants.

Gambit:  Hey, I’m one of the mutants that the reviewer lazily skipped over.

Wolvie:   Can you blame him?

Gambit:  … well anyway, everyone is dead.  You have no ties to the past. And now your name is Logan.

Logan:  Why?

Gambit: It’s written on your underwear.

Logan: It wasn’t a few hours ago.

Gambit: Whatever, listen, you don’t have your memories either.

Logan: So… can I forget I was ever in this dreck?

Gambit: Well, just until the next X-Men spinoff.  I mean, they can’t seem to write one that doesn’t focus on you.  You’re totally going to be the “surprise” cameo in the Magneto movie they’re making.

Logan: OHHHHHH! So that’s why they mentioned that I was a soldier in World War 2!

End movie

Few comics have ever had the impact of me that James Robinson’s Starman series has.

Back in the hyper-stimulated days of the 90’s, Robinson offered an alternative to the grim n’ gritty era that gripped even DC’s comics such as Batman, Superman and Green Lantern.  He gave us Starman.   The story of Jack Knight is one of legacy and literature.  The story, the characters and the dialogue were all uniquely Robinson’s.  And at the center of it all was Jack Knight and the city of Opal.

The last issue, #80 shipped in August of 2001, the final panel fittingly was of Jack Knight leaving Opal City for the final time, his hero’s journey at an end.

In the 9 years since, it’s fair to say that “Where is Jack Knight?” has become the private bane of James Robinson, Dan Didio, and pretty much anyone who represents them.  Starman’s fans are legion.  And the fact is for all the character’s charm, Stargirl will never be an adequate replacement.

When DC announced that it was resurrecting several comics for one issue this January, it was only natural that Starman be one of them.  I nearly soiled myself with excitement.   FINALLY!  We would know what has become of the great Jack Knight!  —except that it seemed Starman #81 would not feature Jack at all, instead focusing on the Shade and Hope O’dare, both fairly important characters in the Starman mythos.

Having read the results only moments ago…  I have to call it a success.

Make no mistake, only one of the legendary Knights will make an appearance here, in the form of a Black Lantern, risen from the dead.  And yes, you will miss Jack’s presence.  But this is absolutely a return to the fictional world you once knew.

Some books are defined by the strength of their main character.  But Starman was a success in part because of it’s ensemble nature.  No character served to be window dressing.  And more than any other fictional city in comics, Opal was a character all it’s own, and in many ways it was equal to Jack for status as a main character.

The one issue revival of Starman is not significant because it’s a Blackest Night tie-in.  The real story is our return to the Opal and those therein.  We discover in brief the whereabouts and goings-on of many old friends such as Bobo Benetti, Mason and Clarence O’dare.   And we find Hope O’dare and the formerly villainous Shade in the midst of a relationship that can only be described as complicated.

Sure there’s a battle, but I won’t bother you with the details.  That’s not the point.  The heroes fight the good fight; they persevere in Blackest Night.  It’s the same old story, one you can find in any of the BK tie-ins.

What really matters here is that the Opal still stands.  And it’s just as beautiful as I remembered.

One of the things I’ve had to learn to accept as a Conservative writer is that I’m pretty much alone.

Not totally mind you.  There are others out there.  We have decoder rings and communicate through smoke signals (it’s the only way to be secure).

But regardless of what medium you operate in- books, movies, stand-up comedy or comic books-  writers tend to be liberal.   In and of itself that isn’t a problem.  It would be ignorant of me to suggest that no one should be allowed to express their beliefs in comics– ignorant, and to be sure, hypocritical. Good writing should affect you deeply and will always make you think, even if you disagree.

So I’m not talking about censorship.  I’m talking about ugliness.

More and more lately, I find myself having to make excuses for writers of whom I am a fan.  No, I won’t name anyone.  I read comments both online and even in comics that basically insult me as a fan and a consumer.   I realize that a majority of the writing community is left-leaning, but why do they assume that their audience is as well?  I won’t throw polls and statistics at you, but the majority of Americans are right leaning on some level (which isn’t to say totally).  But even if we were only 40% of your audience, why would someone want to insult us for a cheap laugh?  It’s the equivalent of going to a Klan rally and telling black jokes.  It may be funny to a few people who think that way, but to the rest of us, it’s just sad.

It’s hard to look at someone you used to admire and think that they have no problem with insulting you just because you disagree with them. When other people do it, I get angry.  But in these situations, well- it just makes me sad.

The Comics community is pretty insular.  These days everything feels like a war.  Like sides are trying to get you to choose between them in a violent, grizzly game of Red Rover, Red Rover.    Do we as fans and writers need to be like that?  Isn’t the industry on unstable ground as it is?

I’m not saying we should hold hands and hug or something.  But maybe we should leave the politics to the news networks.

Just saying.

Well, DC has been fisting the community with news this week via their Source Blog.  Some exciting.  Some— well. Anyway. But their DEFINITELY  heavy hitter on comics news this week.  I’ll start with their competitors.

—The big news from Marvel this week comes courtesy of IGN.    Marvel has decided to end all of their Avengers titles after their Siege event.   Expect more news soon regarding these possible replacements.

New New Avengers

Avengers: the Cash Initiative

Mighty Predictable Avengers

and Captain America:  Publicity Stunts Reborn.

Can Marvel be any more predictable with this shit?   New number ones, followed in two years by original number reboots.  Wash, rinse, repeat.   It’s so tiring.  We all know this is just a reason to bump up cover prices on “special event” issues.   The current Avengers line is just fine by me.  Bendis and Immonen have been tearing. it. up. on New Avengers.  Stuart Immonen is a rock star.   And while Dan Slott’s Mighty Avengers is a mixed bag, it’s usually a mixed bag full of goodies.  I find his Robo-banging, bitch-slapping, cross dressing, Scientist Supreme Hank Pym to be one of the funner characters in comics right now.  And honestly, why doesn’t marvel have a shirt with him saying “Dr. Richards?  It’s on, bitch.”  I’d buy that. Dark Avengers is pretty crazy fun as well.  The only real strike is Initiative which I dropped when they became the Avenger counter strike too long a name should have stayed the New Warriors and why exactly is Tigra leading–  what was I saying again?

Marvel, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  But, hey- maybe we’ll get a proper Young Avengers title back.

—The other news that’s been hinted at is that their follow up to Dark Reign will be the Heroic Age.

ENOUGH.  Enough Marvel.  No more special events.  No more cover branding.  No more line-wide title connections.  Give us three years.  Just three years to rest up from event fatigue.  Allow your writers to tell their own stories.  Sales might actually go up.  Because I guarantee you this.  I won’t be reading any more events after this year. Not for a long while.  Enough is enough.

On to DC

—There’s going to be a comic series named Legends to compliment DC’s MMORPG that’s been long in the works.

I don’t care.  NEXXXXXXT!

—Geoff Johns will be penning Tiny Titans #25 with the regular crew, and bringing in Superboy.

This kind of pisses me off.  The regular Teen Titans series has been a mess since Johns left following the Titans East storyline.  That’s the series that needs a prominent writer coming aboard along with Conner Kent.  Not necessarily Johns, but somebody. Kid Eternity is a freaking Titan.  What the hell?

And speaking of Titans East…

— the adjective-less Titans series will be getting a revamp and a new roster headed up by Deathstroke.

This isn’t the first time Deathstroke has started a Titans team.  He did it in the afore-mentioned Titans East storyline.  That said, this series was utter shite since it’s inception.  Deathstroke and the Titans killing people sounds good to me. Rock on, people.

—The Birds of Prey are BACK!

WHAT UP!   Gail Simone and Ed Benes return Babs, Black Canary and company to glory.  Why was this series cancelled in the first place?  Fuck Batgirl.  I want my Birds!   Nobody writes strong female characters like Simone  —well, except maybe Whedon. But then he kills them.

—Paul Levitz back on Legion of Superheroes

I loved what Johns did with the legion in Action Comics and ESPECIALLY Legion of 3 Worlds.   Levitz is one of two legends when it comes to LoSH.  Add to that the spectacular art they’ve shown from new artist Yildray Cinar– I’m excited.  This is a book I definitely want to see.

—The Flash and JLA will be under the Brightest Day banner

I’ll be reading Robinson’s JLA, but I’m done with Flash.  I’ve been burned way too many times with this Barry crap.  Why did Johns bother bringing back Wally and Bart considering they’ve been COMPLETELY off the radar for the better part of a year?  And Barry suck.  Big time.

Dear DC, I’m on Team Coco and Team Wally.

And speaking of Brightest Day…

—DC creates two twice monthly series post- Blackest Night.

This is the big news of the week.   But… well,  remember what I said to Marvel about event fatigue?

This is the year that could break the camel’s toe.   Blackest Night is kicking ass right now.  I’m not in love with the execution, but I’m definitely digging the story.   So do I want to find out what happens in Brightest Day?  Absolutely.  The odds are it’s going to have a lot to do with the various colored corps  (I feel so racist every time I say that) and Dawn Granger: White Lantern (oh you KNOW it’s coming).   Still, this and Generation Lost effective constitute DC’s fifth weekly series.

And DC needs to let this shit go.  52 was uneven, but mostly good.  Countdown was so bad it made me want murder kittens.  And Trinity— UGH.  Sure, Wednesday Comics was pretty great, but now it’s time to be done with it.  Is there any reason Brightest Day can’t be constrained to Green Lantern and GLC? And Generation Lost- no one knows anything about it besides the fact that it stars the infamous JLI and is co-written by everyone’s favorite comics curmudgeon, Keith Giffen.   They sound good- so I’m withholding judgment. I’ll try them.  But after this-  I’m done.  Do you hear me, DC?  I’m done.

No more events.  no more mutants.  and no more events.

This has been the week in comics.

Well, that was fast.

DCU’s Source Blog (written by Alex Segura) announced this morning that post Blackest Night DC will feature a 26-issue series called Brightest Day.

The series will be bi-weekly and written by current Green Lantern (and Blackest Night) and GLC writers Geoff Johns and Peter Tomasi.   No artists for the series have been announced with the exception of Fernando Pasarin (Justice Society of America) who will handle the art for Brightest Day #0.

No announcements about what the series will be about have been made thus far, though more into is expected soon.  Most likely the series will be about what the future of the various colored corps will be.  Also, I’m thinking there’s going to be a White Lantern by the end of this.  Based on what I’ve read, I think current Dove, Dawn Granger and her predecessor Don Hall will be the avatar and champions of the White light. (In the same way that Sinestro and Parallax hold the Yellow light of fear.)  But wrong or right, we won’t know until April when the series debuts (or DC decides to solicit spoilers with solicitations).

Stay tuned folks.

Between Friday’s new Dollhouse ep and tonight’s Chuck 2 hour season 3 premiere, this has been a sweet weekend to be a nerd.

First up: Dollhouse 2.11  Getting Closer

Holy shit.  Consider my mind blown.  Several weeks back I made a comment about how Dollhouse was suffering a good death.  Without backing away from what I said in that post, I am going to modify my statement.  Getting cancelled was the best thing to ever happen to this show.

By canceling Dollhouse, the writers were forced to advance their time table. The original show was a discussion on the nature of the soul. It was a slow boiling epic.  But it didn’t need to be. The show doesn’t feel rushed at all.   Dollhouse is a concept that could not be done in movie or a mini-series.  But it shouldn’t be done slowly over five years.

We may be missing a few great plot points, but as unbelievable as these last (especially ep 11) episodes have been, I couldn’t care less.

The plot of Getting Closer revolves around Topher’s attempt to re-create Caroline’s mind inside Echo’s brain.  … or replace Caroline alongside Echo in Caroline’s brain…  or throw another nut in the meatbag… I honestly don’t know at this point.  Anyway, the concern is that Caroline will reassert herself in the brain and erase Echo from existence.  Which would suck.

To perform this feat, Topher needs the help of Bennett Halverson.  So they kidnap her.   The absolute highlight of this ep for me was the goofy flirtfest of nerd-love between Topher and Bennett.  ”I had a crush on you even before I found out you weren’t a dude.”  That’s love Toph.  That’s LOVE.

Not long after, the dollhouse gets shut down and the crew prepares to go on the offensive.  Then they’re attacked.

Oh, and then they reveal the head of Rossum corp.  MIND BLOWN.  MIND FUCKING BLOWN.  Their is a hole in my skull, from which a tiny Joss Whedon stands and laughs at me tauntingly.  I never saw it coming.

I think this episode has confirmed it for me. By the end of this show, Dollhouse will be Joss’ finest work.  Firefly will still be more beloved- definitely for me-  but Dollhouse will be his most thought provoking, nuanced and important show.

Bravo, Whedon and crew.  Bravo.

Okay–

on to the Chuck season 3 premiere!!!!

Tonight’s special two part episode brought the BUY MORE crew back in a big way.

Some fans were a bit worried after the S2 finale that Agent Charles Carmichael would suddenly be a kick butt superspy from now on.  Nope- same old lovable loser.   In fact, Chuck gets fired for being a really crappy spy.

This sends him on a tailspin of depression, headlined by the fact that Sarah has left him.  Both she and Casey have abandoned him and work on their own now, and Chuck is forced to try and prove himself to them and the CIA.  Since it’s Chuck, this doesn’t go so well.

One of the real problems of this show is the constant Sarah/ Chuck relationship mambo (or as I like to call it, chuck-tease).  They’re constantly placed in this fake boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship where the audience emotes with Chuck and then something happens and they don’t get together.  Like love it is wonderfully intense, mesmerizingly beautiful and unbelievably infuriating.  We want to see Chuck get the girl.  We want to see Sarah stop getting in her own way from being happy.

Actually for once, we actually DO get to see Sarah put her heart on the line  — and then Charles Bartowski chucks it up.  NICE.  Chuck is an idiot of immense proportions.  But on the bright side, the Bartowski team is of course reinstated.

Here are some highlights-

• Chuck gets to do a little Luke Skywalker moment with Sarah (sort of) where he ziplines her to safety.
• Guitar Hero Chuck
• Yvonne Strahovski and Mini Anden in their underwear (my chuck was rock hard.)
• three words:  MORGAN. GETS.  LAID.
• “I love you Sarah.”
• “That’s right, PUSSY.” that was AWESOME.
• “And take the two slabs of beef with you.”
• Vinnie Jones appears.
• Morgan’s classic Star Wars bed sheets!  I think I had the same ones!
• Adam Baldwin is actually taller than Vinnie!
• Adam Baldwin + belt fed weapon = fucking awesome

It was a pretty solid ep — or actually two episodes premiering on the same night.  One thing that is pretty upsetting- very little Ellie and Captain Awesome.  Lets hope this isn’t going to be a recurring thing, bc Ellie and Awesome are a huge part of the show’s atmosphere.

As great as it is seeing Chuck’s Intersect 2.0 flashes giving him super powers (and let’s face it, that’s what it is), I was surprised to find that I still prefer the ordinary moments.  (Although that teaser of Chuck decking Bryce was fan-fuck-tastic!)  The 2.0 powers are a cool development, but I’m glad to see they aren’t the new focus of the show.

Overall I think it bodes well for the future of the show.

Now if we can just get Sarah to put out come around.

Bye y’all!

After a 5 year period of sobriety, I returned to the world of comics to find the game had changed.  A new crop of fresh voices had taken over the industry.  One of my favorites is Mark Millar.  I’ve heard various complaints about him, but frankly, those people can shut the fuck up.   While not everything the man does is a masterpiece, stand out comics like Wolverine: Enemy of the State, his Ultimate Fantastic Four run and- of course-  THE ULTIMATES, put the dude in A-list calibre if you ask me (and let’s face it, you’re reading this, so you kind of did).

That said, Millar’s return to comics following a year-long break after Marvel’s Civil War event (which Millar wrote) has been  -  kind of shitty.    Old Man Logan sounded better on paper than it actually was (though the ending was all kinds of awesome). The vaunted Millar/ Hitch team really screwed the pooch at the end of their Fantastic Four run.   And then –  there’s KICK ASS.

KICK ASS is the story of a geek kid who could be any one of us, who grew up reading comics and one day decides “why the hell hasn’t anyone ever tried this??”  (The obvious answer is because you would be shot and killed within the first five minutes of attempting to Batman a gang member.)  So the kid puts on a wet suit and goes out to fight crime.   The book was created by Millar and one of my favorite artists, John Romita Jr.

Here’s the problem.  When you name you book KICK ASS, it actually has to deliver.   It didn’t.   Had he named the book Skinny Kid Gets His Balls Hooked Up to a Car Battery, I might have been less judgmental.  *editor’s note: Probably not.*

The book didn’t kick ass and I dropped it after 3 issues.   It was around that time that another of Millar’s creator-owned projects became a movie, WANTED.   I was genuinely excited for Wanted.  I’m a fan of the book, which is about what happens when the Super Villains win and take over the world.  And the trailer- well I ignored the Matrix effects (note to Hollywood –  CUT IT OUT, NO MORE- IT WAS COOL 10 YEARS AGO, stop it!) and focussed on tatt’d up Angelina with big ass guns.

Instead I got a movie about Morgan Freeman’s giant knitting machine.  I don’t know how the fuck that happened, but it did.

So now, KICK ASS is a movie, due to open mid-April.  According to Millar, he was very pleased with it and it’s true to the comic.  But he said that about Wanted, and—  Morgan Freeman’s magic future telling knitting machine.  Just sayin’.

There are several trailers out, the most recent being posted yesterday.   The first is a red band trailer featuring Hit Girl who is – well, just watch. Honestly- it looks fantastic.

Hit Girl red band teaser

The second trailer is safe for work, but not quite as exciting.  The one above is considered a teaser trailer, and I’ve found that the KICK ASS teasers are generally better, which may not bode well for the film.

full trailer

After seeing 3 teasers and one full trailer, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t know what the hell to think.  This film is either going to be batshit crazy or just sucktastic.   There is a stark difference between the first and second trailers.  The Hit-Girl centric video feels very much like the movie crank, both in terms of the action, and the humor.  The second looks a lot more like the movie Superbad, and not just because McLovin’ is in it.  (His real name is Christopher Mintz-Plasse, but lets be honest — he’s fuckin McLovin.)   The camera work feels more free-flowing and suburban and the humor seems a lot more slapstick.  If Hit Girl and Ghost Rider weren’t in it, I’d never believe these were from the same film.

And that’s another thing.  I’m not sure if Nic Cage needs to stop doing comic projects or just stop making films, but it’s one of the two.  Need proof?

I’m pretty sure that this is damning evidence that the man should not only not be allowed to make films, but that his entire genetic line should be hunted and killed.

And as for the rest of it-  I don’t know.  There was too much going on for me to get a sense of what the film is about (in a specific context).  Also, was that a shot of two kids fucking towards the end?  What the hell was that about?

I’m definitely going to see it.  I think it looks worth a shot.  That said, if I see one magic sewing machine, I’m kicking Millar’s ass.

“Genius” is a word that is thrown around rather casually where Joss Whedon is concerned.   Though it is unknown whether he is comfortable with the title, it isn’t something he’s had to deal with much lately as he’s been bogged down with his current series, Dollhouse.  Despite it’s fans, the new series has been plagued with problems on such a level that the premature demise of Firefly almost seems like a mercy killing.   And despite the best efforts of cast, crew and fans alike, Dollhouse has been cancelled anyway; the drama only a precursor to the inevitable.

Aside from the typical problems that genre shows tend to have with Fox (especially where Joss is concerned), there’s also the fact that Dollhouse isn’t always the great.  The first season was fairly lackluster throughout most of it’s run; a fact exaggerated by the high expectations of it’s audience.  Most of the blame can be laid on the fact that the show didn’t seem to have a hero.  The main character, Echo (Eliza Dushku) held a different personality every episode, making her difficult to empathize with.  The problem was remedied as the seemingly blank slate Echo became self aware, her personality retaining the composite personalities that had been imprinted on her brain despite their having been supposedly erased.

The first season ended on a high note with the un-televised season finale, Epitaph One.  The episode jumped several years into the future where mind imprinting technology has created an apocalyptic society of lawless streets where the poor forage for food and fight for survival while the rich kidnap those beneath them to jump from body to body, making those with access to imprinting technology functionally immortal.   Having revealed the scope of the show’s possibilities, excitement for the second season was as high as the premiere.

Since then, Dollhouse has finally become a strong show.   And half-way through the season, the cancellation notice was handed down.   I’ve had mixed feelings about the show, thinking it inferior in it’s beginnings and then more worthy toward the middle of it’s run.   As I watched Friday’s incredible 2 part episode Stop Loss (part 1) and The Attic (part 2) I’m equally torn.  While the episode was a turning point for the show, signifying the race toward the proverbial finish line; I believe it may be for the best.   The show has never been stronger, and seems to be finding meaning in it’s death.

The truth is that Dollhouse has always been a concept rife with potential, but perhaps it is best to see it finish strong, like an extended mini-series rather than squander that potential in future seasons through fights with network execs and endless compromise.   After all, it wouldn’t be the first great show to be cancelled ahead of its time, but Echo and company are among the few afforded time to tie up their loose ends.  In three weeks Echo’s story will have been told; her race run.

“This is a good death.”

In the last moments of The Attic, Joss provides a glimpse of his endgame, as the conspirators stand revealed.  In that briefest of moments, we are – I believe intentionally- taken back to the final episode of his second series Angel, called Not Fade Away.  In the finale, Angel and what remained of his friends made a decision to destroy the source of great evil on Earth, the law firm Wolfram and Hart.   They new that their actions would end in death, they would ultimately be justified.

In this way, the Dollhouse crew is similar despite being from a very different universe. Whedon has always told stories about great heroes.  From Buffy to Angel to Firefly to Kitty Pryde’s death in Astonishing X-Men, the indelible image of the hero making the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good in burned into the public subconscious.   Though our heart may break, we can’t help but love the idea that there are people willing to go to the brink and beyond to save us.   As Echo, Ballard, Sierra, Victor and the rest prepare to take down Rossum Corporation to prevent an apocalypse, they strive for greatness.  Classic Whedon.

When all is said and done, the show’s short life will not have mattered.  Their memory will not fade away.

A few months ago I reported on a rumor that Bruce Wayne would be returning to the DCU starting with a new miniseries next summer.   It turns out the rumors were true.

DC’s Source Blog has confirmed that Bruce Wayne is returning this April.   The original Batman was presumed dead after being struck by the New God of Evil Darkseid using his Omega Effect.  The Omega Effect is one of several powers Darkseid has, each with it’s own unique properties.  This particular beam sent the spirit of Bruce Wayne back in time while leaving behind his burnt husk of a body.  Yeah, it didn’t make any sense to me either.

So let’s recap. The world’s greatest hero is killed and his once sidekick who has grown into a man and a hero in his own right takes over the mantle.  That hero spends a short time in the role, never truly gelling before finding out that his friend and mentor isn’t dead but instead is lost in time.

Pretty weird story, right?  Only problem is that I just described the last couple of years of Captain America.   Marvel had a pretty sweet deal going with Ed Brubaker’s Captain America series.  He spent a year trying to find the perfect Captain America. Granted, we all knew it would be his former sidekick Bucky Barnes, but the story was so great no one cared.  Over the next year we watched Barnes become a viable hero in his own right, not just a place holder for Steve Rogers.  Now Marvel is in the process of destroying that momentum so that Steve Rogers, Tony Start and Thor can become the holy triumvirate again. (And I suspect so Steve can become the new head of Shield.) And yet Captain America Reborn sucks ass.

But at least Bucky had a chance to become the role.   I don’t care how acclaimed Grant Morrison’s Batman and Robin is, Dick Grayson still feels like Nightwing in bondage gear.   He’s barely begun the job and already DC has announced how temporary he is. Is it because Batman is more iconic than Captain America?  Arguably, but I doubt it. Maybe it’s partly because Nightwing will always be his own man in our eyes.  As Jeph Loeb noted in Hush,  ”Dick was born to be in the center ring.”  But I still think DC has slighted this great character by never giving him a chance to spread his wings.

Bringing Bruce back now feels like a cheap stunt, even if we always knew it was going to happen.  Bruce Wayne will always be Batman as long as comic books remain a viable medium.   But Dick should have been given his time to shine.   The former Robin is one of the most interesting and relatable characters in DC’s history.  Given time, he might have even become a Batman all his own.   But for the second time, Dick is having the mantle of the Bat taken from him (he had it for a short time after the Nightfall saga in the mid-90s).

What really annoys me is that it feels like another cheap stunt.  Marvel and DC have been stealing from each other for years, even as recently as Marvel’s X-Men: Blackest Night.  But it never works out.  There’s never a great story behind it.  Just muted, passive aggressive competition. And there’s no denying that these two stories venture far beyond the realm of coincidence or casual resemblance.  I do have some hope that The Search for Bruce Wayne, Wrath of Retcons (or whatever they’re calling it) will fare better than Cap Reborn has, but the whole mess still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Okay Grant Morrison, that was my rant.  You’ve sucked lately.  Batman and Robin is decent, but Final Crisis was pure SHIT. Shit.  The red watery kind that makes you think maybe you just peed blood out of your ass.

Batcave Man(see what I did there??) and Captain Bat Sparrow are a good start.  I’m digging what Andy Kubert is laying down.  Now just try not to fuck it up in the execution.

Okay?